When a family member or other loved one has a family member or some other loved one move into a memory care community, families experience both a relief and guilt. They are relieved that their loved one will be safe now in a well-reviewed and researched facility that specializes in care for people living with Alzheimer’s or dementia, but then there is also guilt or sadness that there might be some type of distance due to the move.
The truth is that while the day-to-day responsibilities of care may change, you don’t have to change your emotional connection. In fact, many families will establish new and better opportunities to bond with their loved ones once they transition to memory care. Here are some ways to stay emotionally connected and continue to build your relationship.
1. The Value of Frequent Visits:
For older adults with memory deficits, familiarity brings comfort. Offering to take walks or attend community events would be appreciated by the elderly relative. If you are able to set a calendar to visit regularly, even if that is weekly or bi-weekly, that will benefit the elderly relative as well. Also, bringing small gifts, even if it is a favorite snack, or flowers, or a picture, would also bring them happiness.
2. Take part in familiar activities:
Shared experience is an effective means of strengthening the relationship between you and your loved one. You can promote connection through shared experiences, even when an activity seems trivial, eg:
– Listening to music together.
– Looking at old photo albums.
– Reading from a book, magazine, or simply reading some family letters together.
– Playing simple memory care activities and games, simple puzzles, or memory care activities.
Doing any of these familiar activities addresses previous memories and can potentially create new memories.
3. Understand Communication Beyond Words:
Dementia can present difficulties in verbal communication as symptoms worsen. However, love and affection can be conveyed in many ways:
– Holding hands or a soft touch.
– Smiling and maintaining eye contact.
– Speaking in soft tones and simple words.
– Having a laugh, even if the moment isn’t rational.
Emotional connection can run so much deeper than the spoken language.
4. Include Family and Friends:
Encourage other family members, including grandchildren, to remain connected. Young children often provide warmth and happiness, which the older generation will be happy to respond to.
Record video messages or create a family book.
Plan family visits on birthdays or holidays, or establish a regular visit on your calendar, for example, every other month.
Include them in family traditions—even if the tradition takes place in the memory care community
This helps support your loved one’s belonging.
The memory care staff on your team can facilitate staying connected. Provide the staff with your resident’s life story, favorite activities, and important routines to include in daily caregiving. Caregivers can also offer feedback on how your loved one has been feeling, share new milestones, or pinpoint the resident’s basic needs, so that you can visit with a shared plan of care.
5. Be Mindful of Technology:
When you are unable to physically see someone, technology can assist with staying connected to that person.
Plan a scheduled video phone call to “see” one another virtually. Send voice notes along with family updates for them to hear your voice.
Share a video clip or digital photo album for the staff to review with your loved one.
Regardless of your loved one’s understanding of the Internet or technology, the presence of your voice and face can be warm and inviting.
6. Change from Caregiver to Companion:
Another benefit of transitioning to memory care can be enjoying the absence of daily caregiver stress for family members and returning to being a companion rather than a caregiver. Instead of focusing on medications or safety, you can focus on enjoyment, love, and time spent together.
Typically, this deepens an emotional relationship with your loved one because your time is about the relationship and not the responsibilities.
Conclusion:
While finding a treasured family member in memory care may feel like a huge shift, it is not the loss of a relationship; It is a shift in the relationship. Family members can join their previously joyful activities or holiday time together, and use an emotionally evolved way to connect and communicate with the support of the caretakers to build and repair their relationship. In summary, love is not measured in how much you do for that person, but rather the quality of the moments you have connected with that person. Your bond, which is love, with your loved one can grow deeper and stronger over time, and with creative ways to be there.
